Sometimes, when loneliness is too loud, all we can do is accept it. Because nothing is more losing than constantly chasing after something or someone.
January 7, 2024.
On the way to Ho Chi Minh City
I haven’t written here in a long time, I ran out of energy to express myself. Fortunately, I located the reasons and got back on my tracks a while later.
I spent the last two months in Siem Reap, Cambodia. It was a rather sudden choice, caused by difficulties with the Thai visa, which I wanted to extend, but there was a risk that I would be denied at the border. So at the last minute, 3 days before my visa expired, I had to choose a relatively cheap and nearby connection to another country. A place where I would get a visa right away (visa on arrival). After a recommendation from Luke (hello!) I ended up in Khmer city.
Escape into loneliness
A great deal happened before my trip to Asia. And during my stay on Koh Phangan I still felt the effects of it. A huge dose of stress, a mass of changes, loneliness, overstimulation. I struggled, but at times it was very hard. From the perspective of an introvert, a lot of change is the danger of losing yourself. On the island, life is based on freedom and community. Which is beautiful and unique, but I was not yet ready to fully embrace this reality.
The next stop, (it fell to Cambodia) was to be an adventure into complete isolation, loneliness. I wanted to calm the inner anxieties that were blocking my growth, joy, adventure.
I decided on loneliness on my own, which doesn’t change the fact that sometimes it was too loud and overwhelming. I felt like I was fighting with myself, regarding what I needed and what I felt. A battle between day, and night.
Relationships while traveling
It is difficult to maintain relationships at a distance, especially in other time zones, separated by as much as 6h. But I perceived that this is something I need and want to face. I craved independence, full individuality to prepare me for the next stops and experiences. I decided to free myself from all dependencies and limitations.
I understood how to help myself to avoid stress, too much exposure to external stimuli, people. The better I prepare – check and plan, the less I can be surprised. The more solutions versus complaining, the better the mood, the better the efficiency.
Therefore, Patryk, to all and sundry, I repeat once again, chin up and as Tasja wished on her 32nd birthday – be the biggest bitch in the room. You know perfectly well what serves you, what doesn’t, what you respect and what you disapprove of. Trust yourself, act in accordance with yourself, and you will be fine. Believe in yourself!
Getting back on track
Siem Reap is known for its Angkor temple complex, which was built between the 8th and 15th centuries. The main of the temples – Angkor Wat translated means City of Temples. (Read more about the complex HERE)
I am honestly delighted with what I was lucky enough to visit. And there was plenty of time to do it, because on the advice of a colleague (hello David) I bought an entrance pass for 7 days. I felt like I was discovering a lost city straight out of Indiana Jones. Monumental sculptures, sacred buildings, and all surrounded by wild nature. Something extraordinary. I’ve never, except perhaps for wake-up calls for a plane, gotten up at 4:30 a.m. by myself. And here I’ve made it to the sunrise over Angkor Wat as many as 3 times. As much as the view is a bit overrated, in the company of hundreds of tourists, when I set up my phone to record a time lapse and simply experienced the sun rising from above this 800-year-old structure, I felt moved. And although in the company of hundreds of people, it was in loneliness. I’m 8,000 kilometers from home, watching the sun emerge from behind the work of the former Khmer Empire. A place that took as long as 30 years to build, with the hands of 300,000 Khemer, with the strength of 6,000 elephants. Magic.
I feel I’m back, me, Patryk. The one who has been gone for more than two years. I am positive again, playful. Sometimes I will make a small pinch, but as an expression of my love, friendship.
It is also noteworthy that since the trip I have renewed contact with several people. With a childhood friend, with acquaintances with whom I always lacked time to meet. With extended family.. This is quite remarkable, because they themselves appeared at the most important moment of my life – my adventure ahead, into the unknown. Every warm word, support, give me the feeling that I should be grateful that I surround myself with such special people. Who cheer me on in the realization of my dreams, give me encouragement in worse moments. Thank you… 🙂
Moving to Vietnam
I was able to plan my next stop in advance, which is how I arrive right away in Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. The goal is a minimum of 3 locations, for a total of 3 months.
Richer with more experiences and insights, I am about to discover another reality that is completely foreign to me.
I send my readers a little sunshine and a smile. Patryk.
Patryk.
