Since I abandoned the reality that 1/3 of my life was occupied by work, I have finally found the time and space to think. I’ve been given the chance to get to know myself better and answer the questions that my daily life has blocked so far.
I don’t want to write about the privilege of being in Thailand as a condition to “change something in my life.” But in my case, it was a slowing signpost that gave me perspective for reflection.
1. Observing oneself, analyzing mood
and emotions – self-awareness
I am an introvert, with a part of an extrovert. Therefore, in a world of numerous interactions, it’s a little harder for me to find myself, especially now on a perpetual journey. From the very beginning, when I unpacked at the center in Samma Karuna, I felt that I couldn’t keep up with myself and what was going on around me. The ideal plan to join a volunteer service to meet new people worked out, but I didn’t foresee the side threads that might hinder my new start. The shockwave of the local climate was lethal, and the fact that I was sleeping in a room above a restaurant generating extra heat was only linked to my deteriorating mood. The first two weeks I literally slept 4-5h each, as it was hard to fall asleep in this temperature and every now and then you would wake up. In addition, I had 6:30am shifts, so overall the quality of my sleep was bland, the energy and mood was once sufficient and at other times massacre.
When I located how I was negatively affected by the conditions of my first accommodation, I decided that I had to act. I started looking for a new place, and luckily Gosia found me an ad for a beautiful place on the lake. The next day I was already transferred, however, this was not the only problem. The number of people you meet and interact with on a daily basis – especially as a volunteer who checks the attendance list for classes – was overwhelming. I decided I needed to withdraw myself from the activities and life around the center, to be alone for a while to recharge my batteries.
“It’s okay to fade away,
until you feel yourself again.”
In a crowd of people, especially those beautiful souls – it’s easy to forget yourself. Because, after all, you want to enjoy everything the island has to offer, spend time in the company of mega-interesting, newly met people. But you have to slow down, step aside to understand that everything at its own pace.
I’ve written about this before, that I assess my mood every morning and evening. And it started with tracking my achievements in the areas I wanted to develop. I always want everything already and now, and this is always doomed to failure. That’s why it’s not necessarily “do it every day,” it’s enough to monitor how often something was accomplished.
With this method of checking boxes, I get a lot of satisfaction,because each box means something to me. I read more books, I quit going green, I cut down on unhealthy food, I keep track of the frequency of my workouts. I vary with sleeping hours, it’s not perfect, but I can see my progress clearly and don’t put too much pressure on myself.
2 Self-acceptance, building self-confidence.
My emotionality is a blessing and a curse. I understand others, but at the same time I analyze everything too much, eternal overthinking. I always perceived myself as “weird” because I didn’t fit into any circle, there was always something blocking me. It took me 30 years to grasp that my “otherness” is something I should be proud of, something that should not limit me, but motivate me, drive me. In this, four books helped me, for the recommendation of which, Maciek, Patrick, Luke – thank you. 🙂
The power of now – about how we focus on the past and look ahead to the future. And we forget that the most important thing is to be happy here and now.
Eat that frog – about procrastination. How to change bad habits and work on efficiency, fight laziness.
6 pillars of self-esteem – in six categories the author presents the components of building self-esteem. By environment, family, external and internal factors.
Your Erroneous Zones – how to silence the voices around us that dictate about our lives. And how to take responsibility for ourselves.
No matter what stage of life you are in today, these four items allow us to slow down and devide the components of our personality and effectiveness. And when you understand yourself, what you are and perhaps why – you gain the tools to work on what you want to change.
3. The beauty of saying NO.
An introvert will often say whatever it takes just to get someone to leave him alone. And combined with low self-esteem, you have a recipe for people pleasing. You put the needs of others above your own.
I finally recognized this and understood that I am the most important, but not narcissistic way, but healthy building of self-awareness and self-respect. I don’t allow myself to mute my inner NO because someone urges me to, because it will be cool, nice and spontaneous. Give yourself a moment to think and then decide.
4. Getting out of the comfort zone, controlled development.
I realized that nothing is ever constant. There are pleasant things and less pleasant things in life, and we have no control over most of them. Therefore, I believe that changes in life are needed and are most likely a realistic goal for every human being. As rational beings, we have the privilege of constantly evolving, and it would be a sin to fight it.
Do you know what an introvert does? He looks for his extrovert. Yin Yang type solution. If there wasn’t Agatha in my childhood (regards!), I would be a completely gray mouse today. And every friendship that followed, was always by the side of these volcanoes of energy, with whom I felt safe – the other can talk, entertain, do violets and twine, and when I want, I’ll join in (maybe to talk).
Since everything comes to me with difficulty, I knew that I would either do something about it or stand still. That’s why I’ve been pushing myself lightly since I was a kid, to get out of the cozy nest on my own. By doing so, I feel that I’ve been fighting for myself all my life, stepping out of my comfort zone, changing jobs, circle of friends, activities, places. During a yoga class on Koh Phangan, a beautiful statement that every teacher repeats sank into my mind. “Get out of your comfort zone” meaning do the exercises to the extent that you feel a slight pain, but it is not a pain that is meant to discourage you and dominate you during the exercise. And then “respect yourself” and “thank yourself that you made time for the class.” It gives you a lot to think about, not to come “because I have to”, but “I found time to develop over my body and mind”. Beautiful.
To quote John Maxwell on why people change:
- When they are hurt enough to have to change.
- When they see enough to feel inspired to change.
- When they learn enough to understand that they want to change.
- When they receive enough to be able to change.
5. loneliness as I learn to live independently.
I think living alone, is a process that will be eternal, undone. Which is not at all about isolating yourself from others or living completely alone.
Loneliness, I have read that it is one of the worst mortal factors in the modern world. I have been alone for 12 years and seriously, it ruins a person. There are friends, family, but there is a lack of that one person with whom the exchange of glances will stop everything around for a while.
“Be with someone who is mature enough to say ‘let’s fix it.’
instead of acting childish and ignoring you.”
However, looking for love, only makes things worse, I have to learn an independent path through life, where one day, maybe someone will show up and join me.
I’m trying to plan more what to do today, next week, next month. I am looking for perspectives to release my thoughts, such as writing these write-ups, with great fun and satisfaction. I work on myself because
“if you don’t love yourself,
how the hell can you love somebody else?!”.
